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March 07, 2004
Prom So Doesn't Have to Suck
To some people, prom is a highly anticipated event. Dresses and glitter and sequins and dyeable shoes that will (well, should) NEVER see the light of day post-prom. But then there's a whole set of ladies for whom prom is the devil. With what money will I be purchasing this ugly dress that I'll be wearing without a date? Where are the boobs that I need to wear this strapless one? Must I just completely disobey my mother and get my moustache waxed? What date! Okay! What date? Let's start there.
I personally hated prom. The before and the during. I welcomed the after with open arms. My prom was at Busch Gardens, I think. Was it there? You see, I've repressed the entire day already. I hate zoos. I hate amusement parks. Those are the last smells I'd like to conjure up while I'm in a dress that I didn't want to pay for but ultimately had to. No boy from my own high school asked me to go. Self-esteem plummeting. My good friend from around the way -- and when I say around the way, I really mean rough-edged around the way other side of the tracks type shit -- decided to mercy-escort me. I loved him and he was always so thoughtful when it came to me. He taught me how to drive when everyone else around me was too scared. He was a wonderful person even with his unhealthy obsession with Metallica. Yes, he had a Metallica collection worth $40,000 (In 1995, that was an insane amount of money. Shit, it's insane now.) He actually had a Metallica casket in his room. He called his Ford wagon the "metalmobile" and with my corsage, he gave me a Slayer pin with some kind of pentagram and demonic bird on it. My mother said to him, "Oh, dat is such a pretty brooch. Tank you!" as she pinned it ON MY DRESS.
My prom pictures? I'm the least photogenic person I know. And I'm in no way fishing for a compliment. It's just a fact. I HATE having my picture taken. Especially WITH photogenic people. Guaranteed, my face will be the one that ruins the shot for everyone. My date was much taller than me, and much bigger than me. Imagine a smaller version of me with a Dirty Dancing Baby bob hairstyle standing next to a brunette Chris Farley with a shaved head. Yeah, that was my picture. A couple years later, I saw him at the mall. He'd lost all his weight and I didn't even recognize him. He always did exactly what he said he was going to do, and I liked that about him. He was probably my closest guy friend in high school.
Even with the nicest dude ever to walk the planet as my date, I hated prom. I remember eating Taco Bell drive-through on the way home because I opted out of the uppity places everyone else planned on going to. Plus, I was in a bad mood because this other girl won my superlative. The bitch. I was way more witty than her! How could this be?
The second I got home I changed out of that Miss Mekong one-of-a-kind dress. Miss Mekong was a tiny Vietnamese lady that promised me no one else would have my dress but I already knew that because she repeatedly told me throughout the alterations that I was the size of 12-year-old. And without boobs, I inferred that she meant 12-year-old boy. I then went to a ska show, maybe Skankin' Pickle, where I ultimately decided that I hated everyone and was going home for good. I then stopped socializing until graduation. By graduation, I surely found something else to despise enough to become a hermit once again.
But you know what guys, prom doesn't have to suck. It doesn't. It should be a wonderful time. You should be excited about getting fly for just one evening. I say avoid updos, but I don't know anything. Regardless, you should be like, "Hell yeah, PROM!" and you should actually like all the friends that have invited themselves into the limo that your dad paid for. You should hold no resentment whatsoever for that friend of yours that totally bought the choker you wanted to buy behind your back. It should be a good time that you reflect on with pure happiness. And I know about an organization that will make it all the more bomb explosive.
WWW.PRINCESSPROJECT.ORG
The Princess Project is a 100% volunteer effort to provide free prom dresses and accessories to San Francisco Bay Area girls who could not otherwise afford them. The Princess Project collects new and nearly new formal dresses and accessories from women, girls, and companies throughout the Bay Area, and distributes them free of charge to Bay Area girls at a fun-filled event in the spring.
Announcing The Princess Project 2004 Dress Giveaway . . .
• Saturday, March 27
• Saturday, April 3
528 Folsom Street (at 2nd), San Francisco
Since The Princess Project began in 2002, over 1,000 girls have received free dresses and accessories! This year we plan to serve another 1,000 girls!
So, go to the site. Find out how to make your donation and make one girl's night at prom way cooler than mine. It's so worth it.
Posted by melissah at March 7, 2004 11:30 AM