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November 09, 2006
Yessssssss!
Totally call it a comeback.
I know I’m late, but I wanted to make doubly sure that the news of Britney Spears filing for divorce is real. Plus, I had to spend some time feeling excited about Nancy Pelosi. But…
Britney!
It’s completely irrational to be this happy for a perfect stranger that I have been so disappointed in before, but I am so excited for her. Like, first time I saw Slave 4 U video excited for her. She’s looking damn good too. Go cardio, go.
Somewhere in Calabasas, Jessica Simpson’s camp is tripping! They are yelling in phones talking about we need more Domino’s commercials, more butt pads, more more more because they know, they just know the jig is up. Britney’s going to get all the tabloids, all the tell-alls, all the accolades. I mean, are you serious? If you can honestly tell me you can’t wait for when US Weekly does the six-page breakdown of skinny Britney, Britney Federline all the way to new new Britney, you are a damn lie. It’ll be the collage of the century. I said, century. Yeah.
Britney’s going to need to get Clipse and Charlie Wilson on that record, if she knows anything about anything. She needs to even hire that Rachel Zoe lady, but Rachel, please keep some of Britney’s style. Don’t make her a Lindsay Lohan/Nicole Richie. She needs a tiny bit of glitter and some pink and maybe three trampy pieces because who’d she be without that? That’s like putting Mariah in something Gwyneth Paltrow would wear. Mariah needs cut off denim and crochet – it’s just who she is and I love her all the same.
What about the Vanity Fair article when they ask Britney how deep her depression was during her interview with Money Matt Lauer? Let's talk about it. It’s fixin’ to get so good. This is the best comeback ever.
Now, I only follow a few celebrity stories. I haven’t been this excited since the Charlie Sheen Denise Richards divorce allegations. I remember finding out that that fool sawed a life-sized wedding photo of them in half after spray painting “worst day of my life” across it and I was sitting up in here, in my pajamas, speed dialing anyone that would listen. “Yo, you heard about Charlie Sheen. This m’fucker is crazy!” But then, that story got boring so I shouldn’t get my hopes up.
But the stories I follow are Nicole Richie: Will She Eat Like She Promised? Now, here’s the thing about Nicole. I never read the actual stories. I just like before and after photos. I mean, shit is drastic. But lately, the photos of her post entering a “clinic” have been interesting. Why is no one talking about the fact that I think she is blatantly covering up malnourished stomach bloat? Go here. All those outfits are covering something, in my opinion. And the one of her in the white dress with Paris Hilton really shows it. You know what bloat I’m talking about. The kind when your stomach balloons after you haven’t eaten for three years – the kind Sally Struthers introduced you to when she was all Feed the Children non-stop when you were in third grade watching TV as a latchkey kid, fighting over the last can of Beefaroni that had your initials on it even though your brother and your sister have the same exact initials. That!
Wait, they're probably not talking about it because they're all saying she IS getting healthy. But I think it's all in the wardrobe.
I also like all Puff Daddy/Cassie stories. Especially this one. I don’t know. I like feeling totally uncomfortable I guess. Did you see that shit? Wow.
But anyway, I’m feeling this divorce thing for Britney. Now, if we can ASSURE ourselves that Justin Timberlake will NEVER marry, everything’s going to be okay.
It’s an upswing, indeed.
Finally, remember this post from when Britney went on Dateline looking insane? I got so much hate mail from rabid Britney fans for it. Now, in celebration of Britney's return, I'll leave you with the best Britney hate mail I've ever received. Dude, I know. OH and I kept all the spelling and grammar as is. It's killing me not to edit it, but editing it would ruin it! Enjoy.
Melissa Jerk:
I think your post concerning the interview of Matt Lauer and Brittney Spheres was one of the cruelest and foul mouthed post that I have ever read on the internet.
Your jealousy is showing Melissa...big time. Would you happen to be the plain jane looking daughter of the plastic surgery disaster queen Joan Rivers? If so, you have NO room to be passing judgments on Ms. Spheres....a young woman who has talent, beauty and a bank account that you Ms. Mousy Melissa will never have....no amount of a good plastic surgeons hands could ever change you enough to surpass Ms. Spheres in the beauty department.
With her fallen fake eyelash, glue exposed ,lavender bitten off finger nails, short skirt, halter top,and big boobs standing up and saluting, she still makes you look like a plain jane couldn't get asked to her prom nit wit.....well maybe if mamma had remembered to tie a pork chop around your neck the neighborhood pit bull would have been happy to accompany you! Oops that was one of mama Joan's favorite wore out over used jokes now wasn't it!
The one thing I really found wrong in her part of the interview was the fact that the girl couldn't stop chewing her gum...but that didn't bother you now did it? Being that you did not mention it in your post makes me wonder, did you indeed watch it at all...or did mama give you her notes from watching it? I mean how could you have missed that one, being that you were checking her out from head to toe?
If you are Melissa Rivers then shame on you for being such a judgmental witch...and if you are some other Melissa...go to hell, because that is where slime like you should work!
Your language is disgusting, my daughter could end up reading that filth.To think parents have to worry about pedophiles and pervs that our children could encounter, now we have to worry about filth such as yourself "Jealous of Brittney Spheres Melissa", aka dog breath!
By the way, I myself am not a fan of Ms. Spheres, but I admire her success and her ability to keep her chin up with all the hell playing out in her young life. It is so sad the general population can make mistakes, the same ones Brittney has made....her mistakes have been around since the beginning of time and shall remain around till the end of it...that is if there is an end!.
But we the general population don't get hounded by the press, grown adultsacting like vultures hovering over an almost dead person or animal ready to go in for the kill....and that is what my opinion of the press is. I formed my opinion based on what i have witnessed with my own 2 eyes.....i live in NYC and see it often in Manhattan. like i said grown adult acting like pigs. And then because of their hunger for a dirty dollar that innocent young woman felt she had to go on national tv and defend herself......hey melissa you got any skeletons in your closet that you want to share with the world? Bet you do...you all do...your a bunch of (as my daughter says), Shanks! I say Rabid skunks suit you you better.
No best regards for you Melissa,
nyc721
WOW. So fucking awesome, I know. Take it to Melissa Jerk's Myspace. HA.
Posted by melissah at November 9, 2006 08:11 AM