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January 17, 2007

Racist!

My mom and dad were trying to hang a new set of curtains. My dad was standing back looking at the curtains to see if they were level. My mom thought they were crooked. So he's got the rod with the curtains attached in his hands and my mom is just standing there, giving direction. Finally, my dad, in an attempt to ask for help said, "Damn it, Mercy, grab the rod. I know you can't see it with your one good eye." Which was awfully mean to say considering she recently had a cataract removed. Angry with this comment, my mother replied with pursed lips and a clenched fist, "God damn it Shorty, shut up you racist!"

A week later...

My father is teaching himself Tagalog with Rosetta Stone. He thinks that when he retires, he and my mother are going to get a condo in Angeles City "away from all my children" he says. He wakes up at 5 in the morning and plays, just the demo, CD really loud. So the CD says a bunch of Tagalog words and he repeats. He had some trouble making the "mga" sound. My sister said, "Dad, if you learn the alphabetical sounds first, it'll be easier to pronounce the words." He gets frustrated easily, claiming "that shit is hard" and turned it off to take a break. So my mom thought she'd help out by going through the whole alphabet with him. He wasn't in quite the mood for more lessons. She started repeating letters out loud, but in Mercy volume. Which is super loud. Five times in a row, in a frustrated scream, my dad said, "Damn it, my brain hurt. Shut up! Shut up!" My mother ignored this and kept saying the alphabet. Finally, my dad said, "Mercy, you a racist!" My sister said she got all the way to the letter G before she took her little alphabet lesson elsewhere.

They've been married 35 years. Get there.

Oh, and I am still working on a story about Shorty's run-in with an online vendor who failed to send him, in a timely manner, his NFL figurines of Troy Palomalu, Willie Roaf, Somebody Carter and somebody else. I have it all written down in a notebook, because he made me take all the information down because he wanted me go to Wappingers Falls where Tawana Brawley lived to pick up his order. Apparently, he thinks Long Island and Wappingers Falls are the same thing. It's a long story that begins with a broken Apple computer. Still working on it...

The point is, a grown ass man that masquerades as my real live father is ordering toys online with dreadful results and I, somehow, have to pick up the pieces. Mkay.

Posted by melissah at January 17, 2007 04:06 PM