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February 04, 2009

Isn't She Lovely?

So...

The 3D sonogram changed my life. I have had this blog for how long, ladies? Going on 9 years? Have I ever learned how to upload a picture? A picture? Did I even own a camera? Some of you have been going off on me for years about posting pictures. And you know how much I hate a picture. I don't want to be in it. I don't want to take it. I don't want it all viral up on the Internet (don't flatter yourself, I know). Ugh. And for the most part, I have been like Madonna with Lourdes -- where are the pregnancy pictures? Where is the documentation that this baby was not immaculately conceived? I am not a fan of pregnancy pictures. I'm miserable. My face looks like Jackie Chan's. And I'm excessively oily. No photos, I said!

After the 3D sonogram, I went my ass right online and bought a camera. I love the 3D pictures so much, I thought I must take pictures every day of this baby when she's out in the world. Then, I learned how to upload the pictures and put them on the computer which makes them tranferrable to anywhere on the Internet. I shared them via email with just about everyone. The tax accountant and the neighbor got pictures of this baby Sunday afternoon, within 30 minutes of the upload. I was dead serious about sharing the joy. Oxytocin overload. Pure love.

It gets crazier. Oh I wish I could share all my discoveries with Wendy (Williams). She too is afraid of technology. She isn't so good at the MySpace which is like, so over now. She can hardly check her emails. She does not fuck with DVR. I understand her. She isn't ready for all that jelly. But there is no reason to fear it, Wendy. Just start clicking around and try.

I then started looking at my laptop and saw this little square at the top that looked like a little camera. I clicked one button, found another, clicked on this and that and BOOM - I discovered my laptop has a little camera built in. If I wanted, I could take a video of myself typing this. I don't know why you'd want to see me looking like Dragon Tales first thing in the morning typing away, zit cream in place and chapped lips abound, but I'm saying. I can make a video though! I made a 30-second video for my baby two nights ago. Told her what's up and showed her my belly. I also mentioned she was stank that day but I love her nonetheless.

Oh gets better people! I'm on a technology train! Choo mother fucking choo, fool.

Then I said, Hmmm. Does my blog let me have pictures? I got to messing around on here and sure enough, there's a whole section where you can upload stuff like images.

And so I share with you -- Little Miss Baby Beck. She is my clone. She may as well have been immaculately conceived. I am Beyonce and she is Sasha Fierce. She is my doppelganger. She will inherit the wedding Louboutins. She will get all the Louis bags. She will wear pigtails every day. She will be the best person alive. Are you not entertained?

And just for comparison's sake. Just for good measure. Just in case you forgot what I looked like as a young grasshopper, get there. Inhale!

I can't stand myself! Isn't she wonderful? In the photo with her lips all smushed -- that is a Justin Beck face if I've ever seen one. Oh goodness. Been around the world looking, dude. Lisa, we've found my baby!

Posted by melissah at February 4, 2009 07:15 AM